Are Your Bags Packed?

You are in a relationship that recently seems to have developed into something other than what you expected or desired from the relationship. You don’t feel loved, you don’t believe your spouse is listening to you or understands you. You are wondering if it’s time to get out and move on with your life. As you mentally battle with the issue, you are also mentally packing your bags, and leaving the relationship. Your focus shifts from how do ‘we’ repair the relationship, to how do ‘I’ get out of this. Once your focus shifts to getting out, the relationship is almost doomed.

Love is an ideal thing,
marriage a real thing;
a confusion of the real
with the ideal never goes unpunished.
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
(1749 – 1832)

It doesn’t matter if the relationship is 4 weeks old or 14 years old, when you get to the point of leaving the relationship mentally, you are also relieving yourself of the commitments you made to the relationship, the promises you made to yourself to be true and faithful. You are no longer committed to this person, body and soul. You have given yourself the freedom to do as you please.

This is a dangerous time for the long term success of the relationship. What if the problem could have been solved? What if you mentally leave, do something that you would not have normally done, and then find out the problem is not a problem after all? Now you have bigger problem that may destroy the relationship anyway.

A good marriage is one
which allows for change and growth
in the individuals and
in the way they express their love.
- Pearl Buck

How do you prevent this from happening to you? The same way you solve any relationship problem – communication, communication, communication! If there are problems, they must be resolved by both parties and that requires communication. Before you mentally check out, be sure you understand the problem. Be sure it is not just a misunderstanding. And if you do mentally leave, remember – you are still married until the divorce is final.

The ritual of marriage is not simply a social event;
it is a crossing of threads in the fabric of fate.
Many strands bring the couple and their families together
and spin their lives into a fabric that is woven on their children.

- Portuguese-Jewish Wedding Ceremony