The Web Sage

What Are You Getting?

Let’s consider where you stand in your relationship.  You may be married or in a long term relationship.  In moments of frustration or anger, do you ever ask yourself, ‘Why am I still here?  What am I  getting from this relationship?’

Many of us are ‘caretakers’.  We feel obligated to take of the people we love (or least care about) because we think they can’t take care of themselves, and we must be there for them to prevent them from failing, to prevent any unhappiness.  But in the mean time, who is taking care of you?  Who is seeing to it that your needs get meet?  You may say ‘I don’t need much, just knowing my spouse is happy makes me happy’.  These feelings may be true on the surface, but unless you are from another planet, you have the same needs we all have, to be loved, cared about and cared for.  If you are taking responsibility for this person's happiness, who is taking responsibility for your happiness?  You’re abdicating your happiness for the sake of someone else – and overtime, that could be dangerous for the long term success of the relationship.

Giving to a relationship is not a one way street.  A successful relationship will help relieve the stress created by everyday life, not add to it.  It must be a two way street, with both people committed to helping each other deal with the pressures of a job, the issues of raising a family, or just being able to understand each other.  Unfortunately, there is no silver bullet to solve these problems.

So how does anyone make a relationship work?  I believe there is one answer and one answer only – communication, communication, communication.

If you can’t talk about - you can’t solve it!

- Joe Freeman

Copyright © 2001 by Joe Freeman. All rights reserved.